Thursday, February 7, 2013

Life isn't worth being mad over


   "Don't get mad, don't get mad" I kept repeating to myself as I looked down at the keys in my hand. SOMEBODY had detached the house key from the car key. In a frenzy to get out the door I didn't realize it until I had pushed everyone outside and shut the locked door behind me. Just at that moment when I could feel my blood pressure rising and my panic mode setting off, our new dog jumped gently over our six foot fence to be with us. Fantastic. So now, not only do I have three little people locked out of the house, but I also have a massive Golden Retriever moseying around our front yard too. Ten years ago I would have flipped out. I mean, flipped out! Broke down, melt down, big major crisis. But now I know that everything has a solution. Or at least that is what I try to tell myself when I'm in these situations. I took a deep breath, shuffled everyone, including the dog into the van, and proceeded on our merry way to the park as planned. Only this time I was way stressed. I had had little motivation to do anything all day (thanks to little people who kept me up last night) so the stress tensed up my whole body and made me want to yell at the world. This was supposed to be a quick, simple trip to the park. 

   When Daniel and I were first starting off our relationship and he did something senseless (like detaching the house keys from the car keys. Who does that?) I would freak out on him. I would call him up in hysterics over how could he have possibly have the nerve to make such a thoughtless mistake. Didn't he love me? Didn't he care about me? My feelings? My needs? My emotions? Clearly not, otherwise he would not have done this. And then I would go crazy woman on him and go on and on about how, oh, if only he loved me. Well, good to know now before it's too late! And we would have a big unnecessary fight and he would tell me I'm making a big deal over nothing and that people make mistakes. I've been told that my whole life, from my brother and mom, that I'm "too harsh on people". That's what I tried to remember when I was at the park with the girls; there has to be a reasonable explanation for the keys, and people make mistakes. And, don't be mad. Don't get mad. Don't be mad. 

    Truth is, it was hard being mad while watching the girls. Athena was super chill, as usual, and Monique and Thérèse were walking around the park holding hands and hugging. That was weird, the hugging. Thérèse is not affectionate. But she was so happy about me making her a preschool homework packet, that she was drunk off of excitement. And that dog, the dog was just sitting in the van driver seat looking at us through the windshield like it's her everyday occupation. 

   Not being mad was hard to achieve while waiting to meet my father-in-law so I could get our house key from him. "Why why why why why why why why why why??" Was my text to my husband while we waited. These girls were supposed to be taking a nap right now, not locked out of the house. 

   When we finally got into our house, I gave the girls a snack and put them all down. Thérèse can always tell when I'm stressed. To ease her I told her, "I'm sorry I'm so bent out of shape right now, but you girls have been so so wonderful, you have helped me out so much!" Her face completely changed into pride and peace and I realized that most of the time I'm stressed, it's because of Thérèse or Moniuqe or Athena, the three people I dedicate my life to. The ones who I'm teaching the importance of maintaining healthy relationships. Yet they are the ones (especially Thérèse because she is so much like me) that I hold a grudge and lose my patience with when they don't act the way I expect them to. Daniel has taught me that he makes mistakes, and I need to accept him with all his perfection and all his carelessness. But now I need to accept my daughters in the same way, and not get frustrated when they don't take their naps for days, or complain about teething all week, or relentlessly suck their thumb. 

    Thankfully they all went to sleep and I sat down on the couch to watch some t.v. and stress eat. This is the one time stress eating actually helped me. I think it was because I was so hungry and just needed to sit down and have a few minutes of quiet time! 

    When Daniel finally called, he dropped a hint that he was expecting to talk to a crazy lady, but that lady didn't show up. I had relaxed, I was upset and tired, but mistakes happen and I was ready to get the explanation for the separated keys. But I didn't get one. He doesn't remember doing it, he doesn't remember why he did it. Terrific. Such an annoying situation, but at the end of the day, thankfully it wasn't that big of a deal. 

     After we talked about how big of an obstacle my day had become, Daniel told me a story about one of his students that finally made me laugh. He teaches emotionally disturbed 2nd and 3rd graders. One of his students (lets call him Jeremy) is itty bitty. He's a tiny little guy. Today they were working on an assignment and in the sweetest voice Jeremy says, 
             "Mr. Daniel, can you please come and help me with this?" 

              Daniel replies, "Sure Jeremy" goes to sit next to him, "What do you need help with?" 
  
              With disgusted strong emotion Jeremy spits out, "Get away from me you stupid idiot". 

Now these boys are emotionally disturbed, so they don't really understand what they are saying and how what they say affects other people. So this statement is actually nice compared to other things Daniel is told throughout the day. If I worked there I would be on the floor crying everyday, completely crushed. But Daniel just says, "Okay, let me know when you are ready for my help".

                Jeremy, "Mr Daniel, can you help me?"

                Goes to sit down with him, "Sure Jeremy, what can I help you with".

               "Get away from me you stupid idiot!"

This story made me laugh so hard. Daniel was laughing too. But the only explanation I have for my laughing exceptionally hard, is that the evil, crazy woman inside of me, was living vicariously through Jeremy. 

   Thankfully I do know the consequences of words, and Daniel knows the benefits of a hearty apology and our marriage grew because of this situation. Glad we have gone this far, looking forward to growing with the girls now too.


   These are the moments that keep me sane, and the people that make it worth it.


    Athena is beginner crawling. How 'bout that drool, huh? 



     
      Thérèse found her father's running hat and got to work on her homework. She took both to bed with her tonight.





       This picture kills me. I always find Monqiue cuddling with Saddie. Look at where the dog's left paw is.


Yesterday I complained that I only had time to exercise my right leg. Well today my right leg is super sore, which makes me not want to exercise my left leg. Will anyone tell that they are different sizes? 


5 comments:

Brittany GraceAnn said...

Awwww I appreciate your approach to the RAW truth! We've all been here. The story about "Jeremy" was great!!! Made me laugh. Your writing style is AMAZING. Really. You are seriously one of my favorite authors to read. MAKE A BLOG BUTTON so I can add you to my blog!!! In all your free time, right?!?!? XO

Arisa and Daniel said...

Thank you so much! Sometimes I have no idea. Blog button? Ok...yes....I don't know how to do that but maybe we can somehow figure that out...thank you!

emmma said...

Arisa- i LOVE your blog. You are SUCH a good writer, (not to mention mom and wife.) This post was the best - super honest and yet super funny, haha. Keep it up!!

Desiree said...

Each year that you grow up I find we have more and more in common - which always comes as a surprise to me. Apparently we both carry the gene for crazy woman. I'm glad to hear you've learned wonderful coping mechanisms -- (and that you store spare keys with people) :-) Big Hug!

Arisa and Daniel said...

Emma, thank you for telling me that! I almost didn't post this one.

Desiree, you are too funny! What i need though is a hide-a-key.

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